My favourite Premiership goal, by my favourite Premiership player, with my favourite celebration

You can't front on Yeboah

and finally...

Did Lawro really describe Wigan's pitch yesterday as "looking like a 777 had belly-flopped down the middle?"

I mean, no-one died, but still!

Also...

One of the great things about non-league football is how close you are to the pitch and the players. You hear them talk to each other, see the expressions on their faces - you even get the odd touch of the ball for throw-ins etc. This can, however, be something of a double-edged sword, as I discovered today when a Bath City striker unleashed a shot from about 15 yards that screamed towards goal, dipped over the crossbar and hit me in the nuts.

Let's kick flourescent yellow away shirts out of football

For the second time this week I have watched 90mins of my TV team Chelsea and struggled with their vomit-inducing flourescent kit.

Now Chelsea have previous when it comes to disgusting away kits, e.g. the 95/96 grey-and-orange affair, but I find this new Adidas kit (officially, "electricity yellow" - urgh) actually affects my ability to support the team. On the most basic physiological level, my eyes squint and instinctively gravitate away from the screen, and I find myself reading the paper, or just aimlessly looking around the room. On a psychological level, I find it difficult to believe that what I am watching is actually a real match; possibly because the flourescence subconsciously suggests the bibs players wear in training.

Barcelona had this away strip last season; UEFA should have intervened then. Sort it out Adidas!

Super Mario!

The best goal ever scored in the Premiership

I don't care, I'm Scottish

Another man who needs to be in the Premiership

Insert witty pun about balls

Real Madrid attacking midfielder Guti, once dated a male-to-female transsexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Statistic of the day

This season, Ronaldo, Adebayor and Benjani have all scored more goals on their own than the entire Derby County team.

They got more silver than Buckingham Palace

You two scousers are always yapping
I'm gonna show you some serious rappin
I come from Jamaica, my name is John Barn-es
When I do my thing the crowd go bananas

I think he means "throw"

Get this kick-ass motherfucker in the Premiership now!

Bilic tells it like it is.

"protectionism merely coddles the mediocre"

Trust The Economist to nail the problem with English football.

I'm sorry I Havant a clue

Unless I am doing a particularly bad job of web-searching, it doesn't appear that anyone is televising the Havant & Waterlooville vs Swansea City FA Cup replay on Wednesday. This is a shame, as Havant & Waterlooville's ground would have been one of the most comically shabby affairs ever to be beamed into the nation's living rooms. I had the pleasure of watching the mighty Bath City defeat Havant 4-1 away in the penultimate game of the 2003-04 Dr Martens Premier season, the third of a four-game winning streak that almost, almost saw us avoid de facto relegation when the non-league pyramid was restructured. Thankfully we were promoted within three years and now count Havant as colleagues in Conference South.

Havant is basically in inland suburb of Portsmouth. The club's ground, Westleigh Park, is a corrugated iron shithole several miles from the town centre, in the middle of an industrial park. I simply cannot understand why anyone would choose to spend their Saturday afternoons there (obviously many would say the same of my beloved Twerton Park.)

That said, fair play to H&W for sticking to their guns this time. When they drew Millwall at home in the 1st round of the FA Cup last season, they bowed to police pressure and moved the game to Fratton Park, losing £20,000 in the process.