The three stages of footballing interest (for someone who doesn't like football)

You know that bit in The Commitments when that guy says of music, "I don't know why you bother. Everything's shite since Roy Orbison died." That's pretty much how I feel about football since van Nistelrooy went to Real Madrid.

A simpler time

It's hard, being drawn to football without liking it much. You need a framework.

I can't watch football as a fan. I don't care about any of the teams. In my 20s I could identify, at a pinch, with the players. Now I'm too old for that and I haven't watched any games for years.

Recently though, I've found myself obsessively following results. The key is the managers. I doubt I could name more than twenty Premiership players, but I'd have a fair stab at most of the managers. Greying men, their primes behind them, trying to ride chaos. These are the guys I can relate to.

The third stage of my interest in football might kick in when I'm in late middle age: an identification with international managers, the semi-retired. Right now, though, I couldn't care less about those old geezers. And I don't care about their players. So how can I care about the World Cup?

Guys, what's the way in?