The three stages of footballing interest (for someone who doesn't like football)

You know that bit in The Commitments when that guy says of music, "I don't know why you bother. Everything's shite since Roy Orbison died." That's pretty much how I feel about football since van Nistelrooy went to Real Madrid.

A simpler time

It's hard, being drawn to football without liking it much. You need a framework.

I can't watch football as a fan. I don't care about any of the teams. In my 20s I could identify, at a pinch, with the players. Now I'm too old for that and I haven't watched any games for years.

Recently though, I've found myself obsessively following results. The key is the managers. I doubt I could name more than twenty Premiership players, but I'd have a fair stab at most of the managers. Greying men, their primes behind them, trying to ride chaos. These are the guys I can relate to.

The third stage of my interest in football might kick in when I'm in late middle age: an identification with international managers, the semi-retired. Right now, though, I couldn't care less about those old geezers. And I don't care about their players. So how can I care about the World Cup?

Guys, what's the way in?

Football Hipster Dilemma

Today I nearly texted our mutual friend Kenny to see what his plans are for tomorrow's La Liga decider, assuming it would have some absurdly late post-tapas kick-off time and we could watch the Cup Final and Spanish decider together in succession. But they're at the same time, 5pm BST!!!

Are all of the football hipsters really going to watch Madrid-Barcelona instead of our own domestic, "magic" cup final? Am I a bit UKIP for even caring? Will I watch the Cup Final while secretly wishing I was watching the other match? Yes, yes and yes?

Why is the Cup Final kicking off at 5pm? I guess I should be grateful it is actually ending the season. But what's wrong with 3pm, where's the clash?

I try really hard not to be a dick about Americans blogging about the "EPL" but there was a particularly obnoxious piece in Grantland a few months ago arguing to the effect that the added insult to Theo Walcott's injury was the fact it took place during the less lucrative (and possibly less internationally broadcasted?) FA Cup. The article basically called upon fans (of top sides anyway) to take a sensible, grown up approach to the FA Cup and stop caring about it, to give our blessing to weakened teams blah blah blah as those are just the realities of the game.

It's true that there is a disparity between the prestige of the FA Cup and the meagre financial rewards attached, but is the onus really on the supporters to resolve that disparity by adjusting our feelings to the financial structure of the game? Maybe it could be the other way around?

Here's a way to do it cheaply as well - the winner of the FA Cup is exempted from financial fair play regulations for a year. No one will play a weakened team again ever.

Anyway I'll text Kenny tomorrow and see what he is doing.

Note about Arsenal 4 - 4 Spurs

What the hell was that minute and a half of a documentary about the USS Nimitz just after the half time adverts all about?

Barrymore

A fair amount of justified use of the word "cunt" in the comments thread for this baffling embarrassment.

'Keep your daughter in sight. or you will be my family'

Rapping footballers - can I get enough? The answer: no.

Of course the Anfield Rap we all know about. I was close to posting Fulham bench-warmer Clint "Deuce" Dempsey's rhymes, but this is fully sick, yo:

The commentary makes it...

Aparantly that's a language he's speaking.

Townsend speaks! The first of an occasional series

A bit old, but I couldn't resist poking fun at this insult to the word 'analysis', by the sham-paddy buffoon.

Apparently, Lionel Messi is 'a bit special'. No fucking shit. Also, Tiger Wood is 'good at golf' and old Picasso 'could paint a bit'. He goes on to add: 'Word reaches me from Spain that he is on top of his game.'. No need phone up your no doubt numerous contacts on the Iberian peninsula Andy, all his games are on the telly.

Other pearls include Chelsea looking 'knackered'. For the record, the blues went on to stroll to a 2-0 win against a tough Villa side four days later.