I don't care, I'm Scottish

Another man who needs to be in the Premiership

Insert witty pun about balls

Real Madrid attacking midfielder Guti, once dated a male-to-female transsexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Statistic of the day

This season, Ronaldo, Adebayor and Benjani have all scored more goals on their own than the entire Derby County team.

They got more silver than Buckingham Palace

You two scousers are always yapping
I'm gonna show you some serious rappin
I come from Jamaica, my name is John Barn-es
When I do my thing the crowd go bananas

I think he means "throw"

Get this kick-ass motherfucker in the Premiership now!

Bilic tells it like it is.

"protectionism merely coddles the mediocre"

Trust The Economist to nail the problem with English football.

I'm sorry I Havant a clue

Unless I am doing a particularly bad job of web-searching, it doesn't appear that anyone is televising the Havant & Waterlooville vs Swansea City FA Cup replay on Wednesday. This is a shame, as Havant & Waterlooville's ground would have been one of the most comically shabby affairs ever to be beamed into the nation's living rooms. I had the pleasure of watching the mighty Bath City defeat Havant 4-1 away in the penultimate game of the 2003-04 Dr Martens Premier season, the third of a four-game winning streak that almost, almost saw us avoid de facto relegation when the non-league pyramid was restructured. Thankfully we were promoted within three years and now count Havant as colleagues in Conference South.

Havant is basically in inland suburb of Portsmouth. The club's ground, Westleigh Park, is a corrugated iron shithole several miles from the town centre, in the middle of an industrial park. I simply cannot understand why anyone would choose to spend their Saturday afternoons there (obviously many would say the same of my beloved Twerton Park.)

That said, fair play to H&W for sticking to their guns this time. When they drew Millwall at home in the 1st round of the FA Cup last season, they bowed to police pressure and moved the game to Fratton Park, losing £20,000 in the process.